Ladder Climbing Days Are Over

My ladder-climbing days are over. Not literally...figuratively. I can still climb a ladder to get on the roof if I want to...although I need some coaxing and coaching to climb down. The climb up is always easy...the climb down scares me. But I'm not scared of getting off the figurative ladder right where I am. There was a time when I was ambitious...when I wanted to get to the top of my profession...when where I was just wasn't good enough for me...or maybe satisfying is a better word. I've never considered myself particularly successful. Diligent...yes. Driven to succeed...yes. Hard working...yes. But the abstract idea of success has been elusive. Four college degrees...count them...4...including a Ph.D which still sits rolled up somewhere with a little coffee stain at the top. By some standards, that's successful...and good for those who have earned them, because they don't come cheap and they don't come easy. I think, in the back of my mind I thought that more education, a higher position...dare I say it...more stuff would make me feel like I had arrived. Where, I don't know. But the trip up was exhausting and not worth the sacrifice. And I still wasn't satisfied with myself. Gradually, over the course of a few months, after I have "simplified" as a friend calls it, after I have examined my life closely and found myself lacking in areas painful to acknowledge, I'm working on those areas more than the climb to the top. I'm working on peace, serenity,smiling, being grateful to God for the untold blessings He has given me and which I don't deserve, patience, charity, love, laughter...and a sweeter spirit. I have come to believe I have arrived at the key to my purpose and it has nothing to do with rungs on a figurative ladder. I don't want to be at the top of my profession...but I do want to be the best I can be in my profession. I don't want to posture for recognition...fame or fortune...the fame and fortune thing is a joke because I am in education...I don't want to jockey for position or whatever "up the ladder" is. I am finished climbing ladders. The view is great from right here.

Getting rid of stuff...

I am in full tilt get rid of stuff mode. I have been focused and relentless in purging closets, bookshelves, walls, and cabinets. This stuff has to go. Why is it that we spend the first part of our lives trying to accumulate things, money, people (oops...don't mean to offend) and then the next part of our lives trying to downsize? At least that's what I'm doing. Things: extra stuff that I thought I had to have like one more black suit, one more white blouse, one more sweater, bracelet, pair of shoes...okay...the shoes are necessary...one more latest and greatest fashion...when nobody really pays attention to what I wear. I have casserole dishes I use once in awhile, but only because I feel compelled to cook too much stuff at Thanksgiving or Christmas. If I had two casserole dishes, we wouldn't starve and I wouldn't think I have to turn into Paula Deen for a season. And everybody knows Paula has full-time help and I don't. I have a sewing machine and I can't sew...and will never learn. I have ugly lamps somebody talked me into a hundred years ago. I have 100 pairs of workout socks..although I wash clothes at least twice a week...and I work out three times a week. Do the math. I have flatwear for 24, but I never have more than 10 or 12 people to eat. Money: well, I haven't been great at accumulating money...partly because of all the stuff and partly because I love to travel. I'd rather have a precious memory and a great time than tons of money. Tons of money is really only good for one thing...helping people who need help who don't have tons of money. Remember Ebenezer Scrooge? So money and social position are of no real interest to me at all. Especially the social position thing. Talk about stressful. Wow. People: This one is tricky and difficult for me I will admit. I need people...we all do. But I really am scared. I'm afraid I will let someone down, be less than they expected, and fail...again. So maybe I'm not ready to deal with the people thing yet. I want an ordered, simple life. I don't want things to get in the way. I want calm, peaceful, contentedness (is that a word?) and I want to be joyful and good to be around. I guess what I want is less so I can be more.

Doing Nothing At All...

Americans certainly do busyness well. If you don't believe it, check Facebook. Or talk to someone about their weekend plans. Or listen to someone at work give you a rundown on everything they're doing or have done or are planning to do. And I wonder...why? Congratulations, you have a life. Or, in the case of work...maybe you're driving everybody nuts with your incessant descriptions of what you've accomplished (or not). I do my job very well, thank you. But if I spent my time telling everybody exactly what it is I do, I'd probably have to stay at work until 8:00 to actually DO my job. No, thank you. I'm going to do it and go home.

This new thing on Facebook - checking in every time you go somewhere or are with someone...why? The most interesting check-in I've heard about is checking in at church. Really? Who, except for God, really needs to know  you've just checked in at church? I do understand  in some cases you get a discount at a restaurant or business if you check in. Why? Do they think  just because someone checked in at Styx (which sounds slightly ominous to me anyway),  I'm going to throw on some decent clothes and run to eat there? Not likely.

So, my point is this: Does being really busy make us more content? Does being in the right place with the right people doing the right things validate our lives more so than if we just decide to spend some time in quiet contemplation?

I guess it depends on the person. I'm not making value judgments. I know some people who absolutely thrive on a full, hectic, crazy schedule. Or they appear to thrive on that...who really knows?

Recently I've spent a lot of time in quiet contemplation. I've prayed, read, watched the squirrels on the deck, watched my two new kittens destroy my house... And, I've decided I like the calm. I feel grounded and peaceful and centered.  And with those feelings comes a strong sense of power. I get to choose how busy or not busy I am. I decide the course of my life with a whole lot of input from God (I'm not quite to the turn everything over to God stage, but I'm working on it).

I don't feel pressured to be busy all the time or to be doing the right things with the right people at the right places and the right time. I just am enjoying talking to God without rushing through. And I'm enjoying sitting and waiting for Him to talk back.

So, I promise not to judge you if you're one of those people who is busy, busy, busy and loves it - good for you...if you won't judge me for doing nothing at all :-).