So. Who do I want to be?

My prayer for the last 26 years has been "Dear Lord, just let me live long enough to get my babies raised, successful, and happy. I don't want anyone taking care of them but me."

He answered that prayer, and for that I am thankful.

So. Now what? Everything I've read, everyone I've talked to says, "Well, now you have to figure out who you are." Easier said than done. You'd think at this stage of my life I would have figured that out. I haven't. I know what I'm not, which is a start. Who and what I'm not is pretty boring. I'm beginning to think that who I am is not as important as who I want to be. Here are things I like:

I love to spend time with my family. We're a pretty tight bunch.
I love the beach when it isn't 100 degrees.
I like my house to be clean, but I don't particularly like to clean it.
I love my job and I love to work...so shoot me. I love to work and I love my job.
I like to bake when I'm in the mood.
I don't care for television.
I like to watch Alabama football when we're winning. I hide in the bathroom when we're not,
and I put my fingers in my ears so I can't hear.
I like quiet and calm and no drama.
I love to travel for fun, but I don't like to travel for work.
I want to go back to Italy, Germany, Switzerland, France,Seattle, the Rockies,and a bunch of other places.

I love my friends, but I don't make time for them like I want to do.

So...maybe who I want to be is who I am. Maybe, in my case, I just need to stop trying to figure out who I want to be and just be Vicky. Maybe in this case...no change is necessary.

That was easy.

Two New Vibrant Women in My Life

Rose Ann Burnham Thompson, Pat Lake Grant, Linda Manning Grissom, Deb Buettner, Jenita Smith, Lorie Butler Black, Mama, Franzi Frieg, Christel Frieg, Grandma, Oma,Loucrecia Collins, Leah Keith, Sue Butler, Montez Butler, Wanda Hyatt, Jo Ann Sachs, Juliana Black Robertson,Debbie Garrison, Francie Abbott, Heidi Abbott, Courtney Thompson, Courtney Watts, Diane Barnett, Patsy Doherty...

How blessed am?

That's just the tip of the supportive female iceberg...women who have had a profound and lasting impact on my life. I have left someone out I know, and if it's you, I am sorry...like I said, this is just the tip.

Five of those women are gone,and that's so hard for me to believe. I guess that's one of the main reasons I'm determined to keep changing...so I can become a better person in honor of them. They left an indelible mark on my life, and I can't tell them, so all I can do is to be my best because they would expect that of me.

The good Lord keeps putting vibrant women in my path, and He always puts the exact ones I need. The latest two gifts from God are Amita Smith and Ann Maddox. I "inherited" them when I started my new position with Cullman County Schools. I think I had forgotten how to belly laugh. Work was stressful, home was stressful, and more often than not I found myself scowling instead of smiling. Nothing worse than an already aging face with a scowl to boot.

These two women are the funniest two women I've ever worked with. Don't get me wrong...we work and we are really good at what we do if I say so myself...but I have never laughed as much as I have the past few months. And I can't really remember what we laugh about...it's just that everything is funny.

I am so grateful for my women friends...and I consider my sister and my daughters and my niece my friends as well as my family. I am thankful for my dear long-time friends, and I am thankful for my new ones. I am one lucky girl.

Daddy and the Suzuki Shop

I drove through Cullman the other day - where Little Bit was before April 27th. There is only a blue and red cement floor, but that floor stirred so many memories for me!

The year was 1974. I graduated from West Point High School and immediately started working for Daddy at the Suzuki shop - where Little Bit was...until April 27th. Daddy worked for Bill Smith and Jimmy Waldrop who, at the time, owned the shop. My cousin, Michael Butler, was working for Daddy too. Michael, who went on to be a successful accountant, was...and probably still is...a pretty good mechanic.

I was the parts girl. Don't ge me wrong. I knew absolutely nothing about motorcycle parts, but I figured I could learn, and Daddy gave me a chance. That whole summer Daddy and I drove motorcycles home and back to work. No way would I get on a motorcycle now unless there is absolutely nobody else on the road. But I was young and Daddy always thought I could do anything I wanted - including driving a motorcycle. He taught me how to do that exactly the way he taught me how to drive anything I ever drove (a stick shift, once...and only once...one of his big trucks, a tractor, and a motorcycle) - he put me on or in and said, "Drive." When I asked, "How?" He said, "You'll figure it out."

And I did. I still do, and he still has confidence in my ability to do anything. Gotta love a daddy like that.

But back to the blue and red cement floor. It was blue and red then too. There were two wide doors into the building and a garage-type door out. In between was the sidewalk - which survived April 27th.
Before housing the Suzuki shop Mitch Smith Chevrolet was there if I remember correctly. Probably the same blue and red floors.

So the other day when I was driving through and I saw those floors, I was reminded of one day when Daddy put on a helmet that was way too small, got onto a little 75 Suzuki, and drove through the store, out the doors, down the sidwalk, and back into the other doors singing "Taking Care of Business" at the top of his lungs. Gotta love a daddy with a sense of humor, and mine has one!

For just a moment I was 17 just out of high school with the whole world in front of me. For just a moment my daddy was young. For just a moment.

I don't know what they'll build there, but I'm guessing they'll cover those blue and red cement floors. And in a few years nobody will remember them.

Some change seems small and insignificant...but this one doesn't to me.

Jo Ann

Her name was Jo Ann Sachs. She was my mentor teacher when I first started teaching at West Point High School. I was miserable that year. I had to change classrooms 5 times a day. I had overcrowded rooms and some pretty disruptive students who gave me a run for my money. And I had an assistant principal who maintained that "boys will be boys" even if that meant they spit on the floor in the hall. Not a great year. By March I had had it. I told Jo Ann I was quitting and going home. She took me in her room, sat me down, and gave me a good lecture. So I stayed, but only because she convinced me it couldn't get any worse.

That summer I got divorced, and I was so grateful I had a job and so grateful to her for convincing me to stay. The assistant principal moved on, I got my own room, and things did get better.

That was the beginning of a friendship that spanned sixteen years. She was there for me every step of the rocky, bumpy road that has been my life. I'm not complaining. I have a great life, but like everyone else...I have had those times...

Six years ago she came looking for me. She came to my house first, but I wasn't home. Acting
on a hunch, and knowing me as well as she did, she found me at Berkley Bob's having coffee with our other dear friend, Wanda.

"I have breast cancer," she said.

If the road has been bumpy for me, those bumps pale in comparison to what she endured for the
next six years. There was a time we thought she would be okay. We laughed until we cried over the silliest things. We all met for coffee, went junkin together, pretended we really were going to do the crafts we bought all those books for.

Then, it was back with a vengeance. And she started giving me things. A book I said I liked; a Hummel figurine she bought for 25 cents at a yard sale; a big pewter thimble shot glass that says "Just a Thimble Full," a necklace she made just for me (she made all the West Point buddies one), and finally...on a day she could barely walk, she insisted on giving me a beautiful set of old mixing bowls because she knew I loved them. When I protested about her giving me things she would say, "I'm downsizing."

I knew she was going to die. The cancer had ravaged her body. She was so strong, so resolute. She didn't take pain medication until at the very end. She died with dignity.

But I wasn't ready to lose her. Selfishly I wanted her here to ease me over the bumps. We never talked about her dying. Maybe she had that conversation with Pat Tucker or Wanda Hyatt, but not with me. Once I sent her an email telling her how much she meant to me and how much I loved her. She never responded and she never mentioned it. But she loved me and I loved her. We talked about life and fun things...but never about death.

Life is full of changes. This one is painful. I need my friend. I miss her and I would give anything for one last, long, funny, serious talk. I love you Jo Ann. Thank you.

Another change...

I keep meeting myself walking in the door I'm so busy at work. Problem is...I can't really get in my door!

Francie is moving. We found her the perfect apartment just five minutes from Samford. She starts law school in just a few weeks, and I'm so excited for her. Having her home with me for the past year has been a gift, but it's time for her to start this new chapter in her life. But moving is just a messy, messy business, and if you don't believe it - come to my house. Or don't. Not now. Actually, I'm thinking if the health department visited, they may close me down.

I have an extra sofa in the living room, an assortment of dishes, linen, and furniture (in various stages of paint), and bags of clothes kind of strowed around the house. It's okay. In just a few short weeks my house will be clean...and very, very quiet. Too quiet I'm thinking.

The good news is Heidi and Francie will be in the same town, and I plan to visit them often enough to satisfy this mother's need to see her babies, but not often enough so they'll dread me coming. It's a fine line, but we've always been honest with each other, and I expect them to tell me when enough is enough.

So...big change for me, big change for Francie.

I'm so proud of my daughters. They have grown into smart, accomplished, funny, articulate, independent young women. And I'm proud of me. Because I'm smart enough to know when it's time to let go. Well...I'm smart enough to know that I AM supposed to let go. But maybe I can put that off for one more week. Or two :-).

Love you girls...conquer the world.

Mommy

Tennis Lessons, Cummings Sporting Goods, Shireen Coleman = Fun!

I walk, I go to the gym, I do Pilates at work at lunch when I can fit it into my schedule...but I've never had a sport. I thought about golf, but playing golf is a big commitment, both in time and money. I played a little golf before Francie and Heidi were born, but after they were born I got my workout in other ways. I also didn't want to spend that much free time away from them. I've always really LIKED my kids.

So, when Shireen texted me last week and asked if I'd like to take tennis lessons with her at Terri Pines, the answer was a big YES! I want to do something fun. I want to hit a ball with a racket and then run like crazy to hit it again. And again. And again. Theoretically that's what I'll do.

Of course I needed a racket, some long shorts, and some shoes that would help me fly across the court like a pro. So, off to Cummings Sporting Goods store I went. $160 later, I had my gear. I bought the last and only racket they had in stock, a pair of long shorts, an Under Armor tshirt, some volleyball shoes in Vinemont High School colors because they were the closest to Crimson and White I could find, and a pair of these amazing socks.

I bought volleyball shoes because they didn't have the exact tennis shoes I needed, but they were very helpful and explained why volleyball shoes would be okay on a tennis court, but they cautioned they would wear out faster than real "tennis" shoes. They fixed me up and I had fun in the store - always a plus when you have no clue what you're doing.

Who knew there were special volleyball shoes? I'm always amazed at how much I really don't know about a bunch of things. When I put my tshirt on Francie said, "You got an Under Armor shirt." I asked, "How do you know about Under Armor?" "Everybody does," she said. Well, everybody but me. I must live under a rock.

So, Shireen and I get to Terri Pines and the first thing Danny said to me was, "You must coach volleyball."

Shireen and I looked at each other and laughed out loud. Me? Coach anything? ( I was the drama coach at West Point, but we didn't have special shoes).

So, I asked him, "Why would you think I coach volleyball?"

"You have on volleyball shoes."

I really, really have to get out more.

We had fun. The tennis pro is a hoot. He talks really fast, told us his entire life story in the hour and forty-five minutes we were running and sweating and missing the ball, and he's just such a positive, encouraging guy it was easy to have fun. Two younger women joined us, and even though they had on cute tennis skirts, I decided I like them :-).

Danny told us we should start a league. I told him as soon as I could get the racket to actually connect with the ball...he could sign me up. I frequently have delusions of grandeur - and Chrissy Evert flashed through my mind. Sure, I'll play in a league :-).

Honestly, though, the guy's name is Danny Light and I think his last name describes him perfectly. He is just fun. We heard his entire life story, all about his wife and children, what he does for a living, how many surgeries he's had on his knee (which scared me a little)...and how to volley, serve, backhand, overhand, all that stuff I've never known what it meant. We had a blast.

So, my next big adventure involves learning how to have fun. I think this tennis thing is going to be fun. And good for me. The thing I've learned about going to the gym and working out or walking fast enough so it's difficult to breathe, is that five minutes into whatever the activity - my attitude adjusts. Stress melts away, work issues, personal problems...all that seems easier to manage after a good, hard workout.

And I'm just going to put this out there for the two of you who occasionally read this :-). My REAL goal is to hike the Grand Canyon rim to rim. Now that would be an adventure!

So Today's My Birthday!

So. Here it is. 55. As in 55 years old. How and when did this happen? I want time to slow down a little. I have so much to do and see and be…I know 55 is just a number and I’m actually only one day older than I was yesterday. And I know a woman is, theoretically, not supposed to reveal her true age. But who would I be kidding? I have enough people around me who have known me my entire life who would laugh out loud if I even tried to lie about my age. And what would be the point? So. I'm 55.

I qualify for free coffee at the fast food restaurants. Not that I GO to fast food restaurants – but if I did, they’d give me free coffee. Maybe I’ll start going just for the free coffee.

So. Here I am. 55. I’m trying really, really hard to muster up a little self-pity here. I’m trying to squeeze out an ounce of poor me and maybe even a little tear drop. Trying…trying…NOPE .

All I feel right now is a tremendous sense of freedom. I feel thankful and grateful to God that I’m here and I’m healthy and I have children who love me, friends who love me, the very best sister in the world, a healthy family – my mom and dad are still with me. Yes, my mother drives me nuts sometimes, but I’m so thankful she’s here to celebrate this day with me. Self-pity? Not today. Woohoo…I’m 55. What’s next?